apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
