what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
