im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
