i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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