Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
