She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize