If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
