M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
