Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
