no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
