bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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