I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
