piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
