We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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