What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
