At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
