"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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