and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
