So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
