I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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