i can't believe i had my finger in that
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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