I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
