careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
