we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
