You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
