He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
