come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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