Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
