i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
