my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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