Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
