I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
