someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
