Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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