What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
