Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
