Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
