You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
