Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
