I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
