just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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