**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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