told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
