She's JV to your varsity
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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