Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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