If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
