Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
