There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
