you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
