your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
