Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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