He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
