Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
did i walk over a car last night?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's blow job season.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
