she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
