my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
