I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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