two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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