I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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