i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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