two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You are the jesus of drinking
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
