Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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