just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
