I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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