so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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