dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
